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Scars of Trauma

This hit home this morning when i stumbled upon it. Thank you, Amanda! Post trauma with really damaging relationships causes one to be so fearful to enter into new ones. Terrifying to think it will happen again. So much insecurity and second guessing, hence the confusion which comes with it. Unable to discern what is my own insecurity and mistrust issues vs. reality and what is genuine in front of me. No amount of therapy, advice from friends, my rationalizing can assist me.  Meeting anyone new for potential love mate is a risk. Because no one could ever know another person’s true intentions and inner workings and their layered, complex history and detailed emotional mapping.

After all my hard work on self and healing, I am navigating through a very difficult time with my heart. On one hand, I am using all my might to protect myself, protecting my heart, protecting my mental peace. On the other hand, I must take this chance and risk at love. Then the huge shadow over all of me is the fear of meeting another sociopath stalker who will make it his life mission to compromise me for years and years as I have experienced before. We never ever really heal from trauma. We work to mend and patch. But there will always be a scar. It is always there in the back corners of our minds. Hidden. We are forever changed by trauma. It has altered us in a way that others will never understand. It has altered our perception of people forever. Our inner emotional mapping has been altered forever. Because we cannot go back in time to change the past, all we can do is mend, patch, wear the scar proudly and keep walking into our future.

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