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Life Transitions


Oxford Dictionary


1. the process or period of changing from one state or condition to another

Approximately every 7-10 years, I have noticed a life pattern of change and growth within the cycle of my life. I begin shifting to a newer version of me.

This usually involves a major change in (one, all or combination of): career, a relocation, a major breakthrough in a self “aha” moment, romantic relationship ending or beginning, a financial shift.

With each major tranisition it has been a plethora of gifts of: wisdom, skills gained, a few more ounces of ignorance shaved away, new friends, new love, exposure to different, and better, happier, more formidable version of myself within the process.

Now for me to arrive to this wonderful point of Life Shangrila, is also a period of messiness, stagnant, temporary emotional & mental paralysis. A hibernation period to rest, contemplate, weighing options, and making decisions before re-emerging and stepping into my next chapter.

I call this the “Messy Place.”

A time of self reflection and dissection of one’s life. A time of rumination, as I sort through my memory catalogue of my past: celebrating what I accomplished & the mistakes made from the immediate previous chapter, the regrets, old arguments, broken relationships, my tumultuous relationship with my parents, my list of issues & personality traits of being human (positive & negative), the inevitable thoughts of aging & witnessing my life disappearing year after year along with my vision and my physical health ever so slowly deteriorating due to the natural aging process.  

“The Messy Place” is a wonderful place to be in.

Despite my discomfort, torturing thoughts and emotions that I must contend with.  Each time I have landed here in my life, I have re- emerged like the Phoenix. Rising from the ashes yet again, spreading my wings but to a more beautiful, more powerful, more formidable version of myself. I emerge with a deeper understanding of myself with a new armory of wisdom & experience.  Ready to take on the world & life yet again!  The next set of obstacles, challenges and heart breaks fate has planned for me. Ready to work torwards new goals and plans. Prepared to open my heart for potential new friendships and love again. Also, ready to hurt, fail, & be disappointed.

I have very few regrets in this life because I have learned everything that Life has gifted me and has occurred from this point going backwards was truly meant to be. From some of my most awful & tragic and/or traumatizing life events (usually occurring with or caused by another human being), they were also the greatest blessings in disguise. The largest fruits of wisdom and experience despite being also the most painful experiences (trauma scars left behind).

In “The Messy Place” the ruminations is not all negative. It is a time to honor life’s ugly moments. A Celebration of  the pain because I would not be who I am on this day without those experiences and encounters. I would not have grown & expanded and evolved without these major life moments. Grateful I met these people who altered me forever.

This morning I am sipping my coffee.  Enjoying this moment of basking in the “Messy Place,” wondering what wonderful things and people are waiting for me in this next chapter which is about to begin.

The meme attached to this blog post is a list of all the behaviors I no longer participate in. I do not feel or believe this list of behaviors is necessarily negative. For me as I age, there is less labelling of good or bad, positive & negative, right or wrong, your fault or my fault. Life is just life. I am beginning to live my life more and more in neutrality. Within the realm choosing a life of neutrality is where I have discovered for me that this is where mental peace, calmness in my heart resides.

This list attached to this blog post is a list of CHOICES. Choices in behavior and reactions to life and people. Not good or bad choices. Just CHOICES.

These choices shift with time with each human living life. Each choice in behavior and action and reaction is just a choice. Not right or wrong. But for me, in this moment of bathing in my “Messy Place?” I don’t do any of things anymore. I made a choice to no longer participate, react or engage in these particular choices. I realized today when I saw this post come up on my Facebook feed.

Taking a moment to Celebrate this “aha” moment.

I celebrate today. I no longer do these things which I did in previous chapters which has caused me a lot of unnecessary grief, anger, frustration, combativeness, resentment, shame, guilt, and whole shit ton of inauthenticity.

So whenever your life takes a shit turn for the worst?

Enjoy the “Messy Place.”

Take the time to ruminate.

Witness the growth and transitions of self from your past to present.

Relish in the fact that things are about to shift and change for your new chapter.

It sucks! It is messy! The feelings of regret, shame, guilt, remorse. These feelings do come up. It is totally normal. Filter them. Process. Feel them. When you are done, Realize we cannot go back to rewrite history or change the past. Just a lesson. More wisdom gained under your belt. No need to punish yourself for living life the best you could in those ugly moments. Know that you are the Phoenix! You are about to rise from the ashes again!


It is only a temporary stop…

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